Soulful Reflections with Karen McPhail (3rd Issue)
Making Room for a Calling: A reflection on following a calling, receiving support, and becoming the woman who no longer believes she has to earn every beautiful thing through struggle.
The Calling
A little over eight years ago, I was sitting in my living room at 5:30 in the morning.
I was a single mom.
A school teacher in a small town in Oregon.
And like most mornings, I was sitting quietly with a cup of coffee before the day began. It was still dark outside.
Then something happened that changed the course of my life.
I heard a voice.
Not a thought.
Not an idea.
Not one of those moments where you wonder if you’re making something up.
A voice.
Clear. Powerful. And unmistakable in whose voice it was.
It came from the corner of the room and said:
“You will develop a program to give adolescents hope.”
Even now, writing those words, I can feel the impact they had on me.
The experience shook me to my core. It wasn’t a suggestion. It wasn’t something to think about or consider.
It was a direct assignment from God.
The next day, I walked into my principal’s office and told him that I would be taking a one-year leave of absence from teaching because I needed to be the vessel to this Calling that had been placed upon me.
Looking back, I remember how irrational that seemed to everyone in my life and even to myself.
I was a single mother. I had bills. Responsibilities. Children depending on me.
And yet I knew with absolute certainty that I had to follow what I had been given.
In all honesty, I had no idea what I was supposed to do or even what my next step in this would be. I remember saying to myself, am I even qualified to do this?
That same day as I drove to the end of my street where the tiny church marque usually supplied a scripture of the day, that day it was, “God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called.”
One more sign and message I couldn’t ignore.
An unexpected gift of that leave of absence was that it created opportunities that never would have existed otherwise.
One of them was the availability to go to a couple of events that ultimately ended up directing me to take a trip to Paris.
Had I still been teaching full-time, I never would have gone to these events nor had the experiences that led me into this life I am now living.
And had I never gone, I never would have met Doug–my now husband.
That story is a Soulmate Reflection all on its own.
The Man Who Didn’t Run
But what matters here is that when Doug and I began talking seriously several months after meeting in Paris, one of the very first things I told him about was the Calling.
Not because I thought it would impress him.
Quite honestly, I think I wanted to know if it would scare him away.
I knew that any man I built a life with would need to understand that this wasn’t just some interesting idea I had.
This mattered to me at the deepest level and to be with me meant to be a part of the Calling.
I didn’t know where the Calling would take me.
I didn’t know what it would require.
I didn’t know what sacrifices might come with it.
I just knew it wasn’t going away.
So I told him the truth.
And I’ll never forget his response.
He didn’t act like I was crazy. He actually shared that his father, who was a pastor for over 50 years, used to get similar callings and many of his own life experiences growing up were those callings being fulfilled.
Although he himself had not personally had this kind of experience, he fully understood and accepted not only my belief in it, but the conviction in which I spoke about fulfilling it.
At that moment, I knew in my heart God had sent me the man to help me fulfill what he had directed me to do.
Although these may not have been his exact words, his reaction and next steps said, “I want to be a part of this.”
That conversation happened in February.
By the end of May, we were engaged.
By July, we were married.
We had spent most of our short courtship 4,000 plus miles apart, with Zoom serving as our date night location.
In total, we had only physically been together for fourteen days when we got married and I left Oregon to move to Michigan.
People often ask how I could have moved so quickly.
The answer is simple.
I believed God had brought me the man who was meant to walk beside me.
Not just as my husband.
But as someone who would support the Calling that had already been placed on my heart.
When Life Changed Course
Then, three months after we got married, COVID hit.
And like so many people, our world changed overnight.
Doug’s law firm that had been thriving suddenly faced enormous uncertainty.
Life shifted into a different gear.
What followed were years of adapting, rebuilding, pivoting, and focusing on what was right in front of us.
The Calling didn’t disappear.
But it moved to the background.
Not because it stopped mattering.
Not because I stopped caring.
Life simply required my attention elsewhere.
Over the years, I built my coaching business. I became deeply involved in the law firm. We rebuilt what had been shaken. We created a life together.
And every now and then, the Calling would tap me on the shoulder.
A quiet reminder.
Almost as if it was saying,
“I’m still here.”
What’s interesting is that over the years, there were several moments when Doug brought it back into the conversation.
During some of our deeper talks about life, purpose, and what we wanted our future to look like, he would gently remind me about it.
He would ask if I had thought about returning to it.
He would encourage me not to lose sight of it.
My immediate and unconscious response was always a flood of tears because so much emotion was tied into it and it still lived deeply in my heart.
There was always a reason why now wasn’t the right time.
I didn’t have enough time.
I didn’t have enough financial freedom.
Life was too busy.
The law firm needed me.
Something else felt more urgent.
And so the Calling would quietly move to the background again.
But Doug never seemed to forget it.
Making Room Again
Lately, those conversations have returned.
Not because anyone is pushing me.
But because, for the first time in a long time, it feels possible.
As we’ve talked about this next chapter of life, Doug has continued to encourage me to make room for the Calling.
And not just in theory.
In practical ways.
He has encouraged me to reduce my role at the law firm.
To work fewer hours.
To create actual space in my life for the thing that first called to me all those years ago.
And yes, one of the beautiful side benefits is that I’ll also have the time to properly train for the Camino, something that means a great deal to me.
But the bigger gift is the space itself.
The space to listen.
The space to create.
The space to explore what this Calling might look like now, all these years later.
Learning to Receive
What has surprised me most is not that the Calling has returned.
What has surprised me is my reaction to the support.
For years, I have believed that important things require struggle, hard work, unyielding dedication, sacrifice, and perseverance.
That has been my operating system for as long as I can remember.
If something mattered, I worked harder.
If I wanted something, I found a way to earn it.
If there was uncertainty, I carried more.
If there was a dream, I figured out how to push my way toward it.
I have spent so much of my life demonstrating my value through contribution that I don’t always know who I am without it.
So while part of me feels incredibly grateful for the support being offered, another part of me feels strangely uncomfortable.
Because life is presenting something I have said I’ve wanted for years.
Time.
Space.
Support.
And yet I’m discovering how deeply programmed I am to believe that I need to earn those things.
That I need to prove myself worthy of them.
That I need to struggle for them before I can receive them.
The truth is, I don’t think the biggest work ahead of me is creating The Hope Initiative (that’s the name I’ve given it).
I think the biggest work ahead of me may be allowing myself to become the woman who can receive this level of support.
The woman who doesn’t have to earn her worth through exhaustion.
The woman who doesn’t measure her value by how much she carries.
The woman who doesn’t feel compelled to prove her place through hard work and sacrifice.
The woman who can accept help without feeling diminished by it.
The woman who can be deeply supported and still remain fully herself.
For the first time in a very long time, life is not asking me to push harder.
Instead, it seems to be opening a door and saying,
“You don’t have to worry about how you’re going to make this happen. The time is here. The space is here. The support is here.”
And if I’m honest, learning to receive that may be just as important as following the Calling itself.
Because maybe the next chapter isn’t only about bringing hope to others.
Maybe it’s also about becoming someone who no longer believes she has to earn every beautiful thing through struggle.
As I lean into everything that I am experiencing, I am beginning to allow myself to imagine what might be possible if that’s true.
If this reflection resonated with you, I’d love to stay connected.
You can learn more about my work, programs, and resources at:
And if you’re a regular reader of Soulful Reflections, thank you for being here. It means more than you know.